Cari and I went to see Den's Dad today. It had been nearly 2 years since Cari had seen her grandfather. It seems odd that it had been that long until you understand that she and Dad had never been close. To be honest, Dad just never showed any interest in Cari, rarely spoke to her and after so many years of that she just disengaged completely and stopped going to his home when we would go visit. When he and Bernice came to our home, she would be polite but wouldn't spend much time at all around them.
It wasn't that he was rude or mean to her, he was just so introverted and awkward in certain situations that he honestly didn't know what to say or how to interact with her. It was the oddest thing. It amazes me to this day that he met, fell in love and married Bernice. I couldn't explain the dynamics of that if I had to. She is such a sweet person and she loves him so much. He must have been able to talk to her when no one else was around.
Anyway, we went to the nursing home today. Dad was laying in bed staring at the ceiling. He doesn't make eye contact very often anymore. Cari and I went to the side of the bed and I said, "Dad! I brought Cari to see you today."
He didn't look at us but he did say, "Hi, babe."
His eyes never met ours. He just stared at the ceiling and I wondered if he was really seeing it. I just can't tell anymore. We stood by his bed for a while hoping, I guess, that his eyes would lower and we would see a glimmer of recognition or some kind of expression that would confirm to us that he knew we were there. That wasn't to happen today. His eyes closed and he went to sleep. He sleeps about 20 hours a day.
We gathered our things and took Bernice to lunch. It was a good time for Cari to tell her about her trip and to show her some post cards from the places she had gone. She told some funny stories and answered a lot of questions that Bernice asked. I could tell the time with us was really good for Bernice. She seemed happier when we said good bye.
On the way home, Cari told me how glad she was that she went to see her grandfather. She feels like she did the right thing and she has a lot more compassion for him now. She sees that it wasn't anything personal toward her. It was his inability to express himself that kept him from reaching out. She has been able to forgive him and move past the negative feelings.
I'm so glad she's at that point now before he dies. It will make it a lot easier when she faces his death.
6 comments:
You were posting this entry while I was posting a comment to your last entry (insert Twilight Zone music) ......hehehe.
I'm glad Cari got to see her Grandfather and that she has made peace with any negative feelings about the past....she sounds like a very wise, special, young woman.
Pooh Hugs,
Linda~
yeah because one thing I remember is that when my great granny died when I was 12 she live wth us and I was so impatient that wehn she died the first thing I said was to mom I did not argue with her today
A lot of Den's dads' generation just couldn't communicate with the younger ones. My father was the same, he went to work, came home and sat without talking to anyone all evening before going to bed. We knew he loved us but he just couldn't talk!! People are far more communicative nowadays, thank goodness!! I'm glad Cari saw him and it sounds like she made Bernice a lot happier too. Jeannette xx
What a valuable visit ,you and Cari made today to see her Grandfather ,I'm sure it helped them both, certainly her, to get things in perspective a bit,Pleased the time was good with Bernice...........Jan xx
It's wonderful that Cari managed to see her grandfather, she has so much understanding
I am so glad she went to see her Grandfather, she would have had many regrets later if she had not.
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