Pictures of Matthew Stephen

Here are pictures of my little Snickerdoodle.  He had just eaten so he was in a peaceful, blissful sleep.  He's doing great.  He had a check up for the jaundice and his test was within the normal range for his age.  We are so pleased with his quick progress.

I'm home for the weekend.  I'll go back Monday and Tuesday next week and I think that will be it.  Megan and Nathan will start Spring Break on Wednesday and will have the following week off, too.  Megan is a big help to her mom and Shannon will be able to drive starting Monday. 

I've enjoyed being there so much.  I'll miss it.

 

Prayers Answered

Baby Matthew is home from the hospital.  He was released at noon today.  He's so pink and cute.  No more Mr. Mellow Yellow.  Needless to say, we are all very relieved and very happy to have him home.  The charge nurse over the pediatric nursery said if she had been on duty Monday night he would have been transferred to Loma Linda or San Diego Children's hosptial.  As it turned out, he didn't need to be transferred.  All is well.

Thanks for the prayers and well wishes. 

A Very Windy Tuesday

The wind is howling today.  It blew chairs into Bryan's pool.  He's going to have to fish them out.  I'm not going to do it.  LOL

After a scary night, I'm pleased to report Matthew is doing better and may come home tomorrow.  Around 11:00 last night, it looked like he might get transferred to another hospital for a blood transfusion but his blood test at 11:30 showed signs of improvement and this morning was even better.

I went to the hospital with Shannon around 9:00 so she could feed him.  I got to see him through the nursery glass.  He looked SO much better.  Most of the yellow is gone and he looked like a pink baby instead of orange like yesterday. 

Thank you for your prayers!

Not much else to report right now.  More later!

Prayers for Baby Matthew

Baby Matthew is back in the hospital for 24 - 36 hours because he's got jaundice.  He'll be OK but it's hard on Mommy to have him there.  She has to go over every few hours to feed him.  Please pray that he responds to the light treatment quickly so we can get him home again!

 

Thanks!

Sunny Sunday

This is about as close to a 'normal' day as I have had in weeks.  It's been really nice.  I got up around 7:30 this morning and got right to work.  I needed to get all my laundry done so I can pack this afternoon for my return to 'granny duty' tomorrow morning.  As the laundry was in process, I went into the sewing room and made the cutest flannel blanket for Matthew.  I'll post a picture soon.  I left the cable for my digital camera that connects it to the computer at my son's house so I can't post pictures until I get that back.  It was good, too, to be able to read the journals of all my J-Land friends.  I have felt so out of touch and now I am caught up.  

My love and an extra hug to Jeannette of Jeannette's Jottings and to Sugar of A Little Bit of Sugar Please as they deal with health issues.  Jeannette is recovering well from her surgery and Sugar is facing her operation shortly.  Please say healing prayers for these two special ladies.  Also, a big supportive hug followed by continued prayer for Krissy and John of Sometimes I Think.  John is fighting a brave and inspiring battle and I would encourage everyone to say prayers for him and for his wonderful wife, Krissy.

 I also trimmed and squared the Mother Goose quilt that I had taken to the quilter weeks ago.  Dennis picked it up the day after I left to see my Dad.  It's ready for the binding now.  I'm going to do the machine sewing tonight and then take it with me so I can do the hand sewing during the quiet times I get throughout the day, like when Andrew is sleeping.

I have some flannel in the dryer right now.  When it is dry, I'm going to make 4 burp clothes and then I'll take the rest with me to make some sheets to cover the dressing table pad.  The sheets in the store are nearly $12 each.  That is so expensive for a piece of fabric that has the corners sewn.  I can make several from the flannel I have in my fabric stash and they will be softer and nicer than those you can buy in the store.  I'm going to take the sewing machine, too.  It's light weight and I can set it up when the kids go to bed at night.

I'll call my Mom tonight.  She and my sister went to the University of Wyoming women's basketball game today.  The girls are playing for a championship so it will be a fun and exciting experience.  I'm so glad they get to go.  My mom and dad loved going to see the girls play.  My dad swore it was closer to 'real' basketball than anything the guys played.  My mom needs to get out and have some fun after the week she's had.

According to my mom, sister and mom's brother, my Dad's memorial service was quite special.  There were nearly 100 people there to celebrate his life.  My mom's brother and one of my cousin's husband gave eulogies.  My dad would have been so surprised and, I know, touched that his brother-in-law got up and shared about the things they did together when they were kids.  My parents met because my dad and uncle were childhood friends.   My cousin's husband talked about how welcome my Dad made him feel when he married Ellen.  He talked about the warmth and kindness my Dad always showed him and he said my Dad was the kind of man he wanted to be.  I thought that was so dear.  Nearly 80 people were at the luncheon and reception after the service.  It meant a great deal to my Mom to have so many people come and show their respects.  I am looking forward to getting an audio CD of the service so I can hear it and share it with my family.  My sister told me the entire choir was there and performed two songs that were my Dad's favorites.  The congregation also sang three of his favorite hymns with the choir.

I feel so odd about the whole situation.  I found a picture of Dad and Megan that was taken on Christmas Eve.  He looks so healthy and happy.  It is difficult to accept that in just three short months, he got sick and died.  I know that it will take time for me to process everything.  I've been through it before and understand the grieving process.  It's like riding a wave.  You just have to go with it.  The wave will take you up and then bring you crashing down.  No use fighting it.  You just have to go with it and deal with all the feelings as they come.  One day at a time it gets better but the hole that is left because someone you love has died, really never gets filled again with anything but loving memories.  As wonderful as they are they sometimes feel pretty shallow and leave you wanting the real thing.

Again today, I am thanking God for my Dad's life and for the man he was. 

Hugs..................

 

Weekend at Home

I'm spending the weekend at home.  I got back around 5:00 last night.  I didn't even say hello to my family.  I just took the dog and went up to bed for an hour or so before talking to anyone.  I was physically tired but emotionally, I was on empty.  Yesterday was the hardest day so far in the grieving process for my dad.  His burial was yesterday afternoon so I thought about my Mom and sister most of the day and wished I could be with them and the other family members who were there.  I just needed to know my Mom and sister were OK and I wasn't able to reach either of them until about 7:30 last night. 

My sister said the grave side service was very short and simple.  Only family, my dad's best friend and his wife, and another couple who lived next door to my parents for nearly 20 years were invited.  My sister said it was very nice but really hard on my mother.  She told Carol, "I'm just not ready for this."  My mom hasn't really started dealing with her loss.  There is so much to do before the funeral that she hasn't had time to just stop and let it sink in.  Carol is staying until the end of next week to help with her adjustment and some of the business things that need to be worked out.  I am going to need to go back to help finalize some business things.  I'm hoping to have a week at home between leaving Bryan's and going to Mom's but if she needs me right away, I will go on April 2nd. 

Today is going to be rough, too.  Today is the memorial service at 11:00 with a luncheon/reception following.  My son, daughter, brother and I all wrote messages that will be read and there will be time for people to get up and talk about my Dad.  Luckily, the person who does all the audio recording at the church will be there to record the service so my brother and I will get copies.  When I get my copy, my immediate family (husband, kids, grandkids, and Sam) are having a little Memorial for him here.  We will listen to the service and then have time to talk and share our thoughts and memories. 

Below, is a copy of what I wrote:

I wish I could be there today to share in the celebration of my Dad's life.  It would be so nice to greet each of you, to thank you for being here and for bringing so much joy to my Dad's life and so much support to our family today.

 

Most of you know that I am home in California in my role as Gramma Kathy.  Bryan and his wife Shannon welcomed their 4th child into the world on Monday and I am at their house helping to care for Megan, Nathan and Andrew while Shannon recooperates and tends to little Matthew.  I know my Dad would tell me that this is exactly where I should be right now.  He loved my grandchildren so much and would want me to be the one who takes care of them while their mom gets back on her feet.

 

I am so fortunate that I was able to spend two weeks in Laramie with my Dad before he died.  I got to Laramie on March 3rd.  Dad was very alert and able to have a fairly good conversation at that time.  We knew right away that his illness was very serious and could take his life so we didn't waste anytime talking about the weather.  We talked about our love for each other and how grateful we are that we will see each other again. 

 

I want to thank my Dad for my blue eyes, my whacked out sense of humor and my over zealous need to do the right thing.  I also want to thank him and my mom for raising all of us kids to be independent, responsible and accountable.  We're all hard workers, loyal to our family and friends, kind hearted, and each of us has a lot of integrity.  All of these qualities are our Dad's legacy to us. 

 

I'm going to miss his phone calls.  I don't know if Mom knows but many times when  she went to Bible study or Quilting, Dad would call to chat.  He said he just wanted to hear my voice but I know he was probably missing her and our talk was a way to make the time go faster until she got home again.  I don't know how many times in the last few years my Dad would say, "I just don't know what I'd do without your mother.  She's so good to me."   During the last days of his life, the one thing that would make him feel better was seeing her walk through the door.  There were things that he just wanted her to do for him, things he only trusted her to handle. Their love for each other would fill the room and Dad would be more relaxed.  Mom, thank you so much for all you did to care for Dad.  Not just during this last illness but since October when he broke his ankle and then as he got over his back injury, too.  You sacrificed a lot and did it with so much love.  I love and respect you so much for that.  You and Dad were a good team.  You were there for each other and that showed until the end.

 

I could tell stories for hours about my Dad and funny things he did and said but everyone in this room knew him and knows what a character he was.  So I will end with one of my favorite Bible promises.........

 

  2Timothy 4:7-8 King James Version

 

    "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteouness which the Lord, the righteous judge, will give to me on that day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved his appearing."

 

 

May God bless and keep each of you in his care.

 

Kathy

 

There are so many things I could have written but I don't think the congregation wants to sit through hours of memories.  My memories will be shared over my life time with my children and grandchildren to keep my Dad alive in our hearts.

 

 

 

 

Spelling Change

After seeing the baby's name typed out, Bryan and Shannon decided to go with the traditional spelling of:

Matthew Stephen

I'm happy.  I like the double 't' .

I'm going to go see the little snickerdoodle in about an hour.  I may have a few new pictures to share when I get back.

 

INTRODUCING MATTHEW STEPHEN JAUERT

It's  A  BOY!   Matthew Stephen Jauert arrived this morning.  He tipped the scales at 6 lb. 7 oz. and is 18 1/2 inches long.  A tiny little guy with a great big cry!  He is in perfect health and we are totally smitten with him.

I can't wait to hold him and give him a snuggle.  I'll be going back to the hospital around 5:30/6:00 tonight.  He's just adorable!

It took me less than a minute to get over the fact that he wasn't a SHE.  LOL  As long as he's healthy and his Mom is doing great, that is all that matters.

Now, I'm going to take a nap.  I haven't had any sleep since 2:30 this morning.  I'm exhausted.

p.s.  I edited this on 3/24 to correct the spelling of his name from Mathew to Matthew.

Just a Quick Note

Dennis and I are leaving in a few minutes for the hospital.  We aren't going to tell our kids about my Dad until later in the day.  This morning is going to be about the JOY of a new life and the birth of our new grandchild.

I want you all to know that I'm taking your prayers and good wishes with me today.  They will be holding me up and getting me through this with peace and calm.

I'm doing fine.  I have such a peaceful heart and a sense of relief for my father. 

Watch for pictures and news SOON!

Love to you all!

And The Angels Came and Took Him Home

My father died this morning.  1:13 a.m. Mountain Standard Time.  The angels came and took him home to be with the Lord.  It was as he always wished.  He fell asleep, his breathing slowed and he passed peacefully away.  Thank you God for his wonderful life and for his peaceful passing.

    A.C. Sollars  March 29, 1925 - March 19, 2007

   

Sunday - Update and New Stuff - Happy Stuff

  When I left Laramie on Friday, Dad was in extremely critical condition.  I believe  that the decision to take him off IV steroids suddenly and put him on oral Predisone caused him to have an extreme blood sugar crisis that put him in (or nearly in) a diabetic coma.  I also think it was serious enough that we could have lost him on Friday.  An adjustment was made and he has rallied physically.

 

   His mental state has been working against him.  About 10 days ago, he became very withdrawn, sullen, stopped communicating, and began sleeping most of the time.  His withdrawal made us believe he was giving up and we wondered if he wanted to invest in his rehabilitation at all.  We could not get him to verbalize one way or another.  I had a talk with him on Thursday and told him he had to start taking control of his recovery.  He admitted that he was overwhelmed by the long road ahead of him and agreed to start being more active in his care.  Then, we had the crisis on Friday which set him back.

 

  Yesterday (Saturday), he began to rally physically but mentally, he was still very withdrawn and would not communicate with anyone and he was refusing to eat.  Last night, Carol got in his face (bless her heart) and told him that if he wanted to die they would take him home this morning, call in hospice and help him do that.  If he wanted to live, he was going to have to start taking an active part in his recovery because she and Mom couldn't want him to get better more than he wanted it and they weren't going to do all the work anymore.  Well, he crossed his arms over his chest and got pretty pissed off (always a motivating emotion) and I guess he decided he was going to get well because he woke up in the middle of the night and asked for some chicken.  He has refused all meat and protein since the end of February.  He got some chicken noodle soup and ate part of it.  This morning, he greeted Carol with a fairly strong voice and even told her she looked nice.  He ate around 30 grams of protein for breakfast, agreed to get out of bed and into his special chair and sit by the window, greeted the nurse and was going to cooperate with everyone today.

 

  So, go Carol go!  She kicked his ass and for now, he's choosing life.  Tomorrow morning, his doctor and Mom are going to offer two choices.  He can stay in Laramie and rehab and get an OK recovery or he can go to Porter Hospital in Denver and go into their pulmonary rehab and get an excellent recovery.  It's up to him.  He will have to choose.  Porter has agreed to take him.  They see him as an excellent candidate for their program (which I understand is one of the best in the country). 

 

  Mom went to church this morning and she's going to the UW women's basketball game this afternoon.  She and Carol are going to take a new attitude about his care, too.  They are going to become visitors instead of around the clock care givers.  The are no longer going to enable him to remain dependent and sick.

I'm so proud of them!!!

 

 We will let you know what happens from here.  Please keep the prayers and positive vibes coming.  You have kept us going.

 

  On to other news - my new grandbaby is going to be born in the morning.  Shannon has a planned c-section scheduled for 9:00 a.m.   Watch for an announcement and PICTURES.   Dennis and I went shopping a little bit a go and I picked up a few things:  The softest little blanket I could find, some burp clothes, a hooded towel, some classic Pooh receiving blankets, and a set of 3 wicker baskets lined with the classic Pooh print in pale green to put things in on the shelves of the dressing table.  If I have time, I want to make up 2 flannel blankets ~ a blue and a pink ~ to take to the hospital tomorrow so I'm prepared for a boy or a girl.  I was going to do that but my trip to Laramie preempted my sewing projects.   I am SO excited and grateful to God for this new little life.  What a blessing especially at this time.  Please pray for a healthy baby and a very healthy Mommy.

 

Last night, we went to see Eric Clapton in concert.  It was GREAT.  It's the second time we've seen him live and he is just amazing.  It was so funny (or not) to see all the old geezers in the crowd.  Most of the audience was between 50 and 65 years old or between 20 and 30.  When the lights went down and he took the stage, the aroma of marijuana got pretty thick around us.  We were sitting next to a group of 20-22 year olds who looked over at us to see our reaction.  I nudged Dennis and laughed, "Honey, Skunk!"  I took my hand and moved it like I was pulling the smoke in to my face and we laughed.  I looked over at those kids and they were laughing so hard.  I guess they didn't expect to see oldsters like us 'getting it'.   Dennis told them, ''Dudes, we're products of the 60's...we invented pot."

Our daughter, Cari and her fiance, Sam were with us and they thought it was funny that we were not at all fazed by the pot smoking.  Jeez!  I guess I forgot to tell my kids that I did have a life before they were born.  I don't especially want them to know that I smoked the stuff in my 20's but I don't think they should believe I was raised in a cave either.  It was good to go out and have FUN, laugh and just relax after so much tension and stress.  I feel much better this morning.

 

WATCH  THIS  SPACE  FOR  BABY  NEWS TOMORROW!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Hello again.  It has been two long weeks since I have posted anything in my journal.  It feels like it's been much longer than that.  I've been on an emotional roller coaster ride that still hasn't ended.  I am not going to recap the entire journey because it would require too much and I don't have the energy or emotional fortitude to do it.  I will say that my Dad is in extremely poor health and the outlook is grim.  He seemed to be getting better.  We were very encouraged about 5 to 8 days into my visit but 4 days ago, the tide began turning and he has been declining since. 

His lungs are very compromised by pulmonary fibrosis.  The left lung is very involved and the right lung is about two-third's as bad.  Because of this, his body is not getting the oxygen it needs to function properly.  He had a mild heart attack on Friday, March 2nd that was caused by lack of proper oxygen.  All of the body's systems are struggling so hard to work and they are failing to keep  up.

I do not expect him to survive this horrible illness and I honestly do not believe he wants to.  He seems to want to let go and go to heaven.  I honor and respect that so much.  I know he does not want to live tethered to an oxygen tank and confined to a chair or his bed.  

I am home in California again.  I got back last night.   It was  hard to leave because I know I probably won't see my Dad again.  I do know that I have no regrets.  I gave him everything I had when I was there.  I sat with him from 10 p.m. until 7 a.m. every night and for 4 hours during the day, every day.  We talked about everything.  Told each other everything we had to say.  I'm so grateful that I got there when I did because he was so alert, open and loving the first 4 or 5 days.  When I left yesterday, he was nearly comatose.  There was no way to reach him.  I don't even know if he heard me say good bye.  It's OK, though....  He has all my love tucked away in his heart and he'll have it forever.

Thank you to all of you for your love and prayers.  I wasn't able to access my journal while I was away.  I didn't have time to write, anyway, but I did get the alerts and I was able to read the comments that you left.  Your kindness and uplifting messages mean the world to me.  I love you all! 

It's Time to Go.

The time has come for me to go to my father.  The pulmonary fibrosis is getting worse and he is failing.  Even though his numbers were good last night, the scan this morning told another story.  My mother called and asked me to come.

I am leaving at 6:00 tomorrow morning and flying into Denver.  I'll then take one of those little, bouncy flights into Laramie.  I got some anti-air sick pills at the drug store today.  Last time I took one of those planes it took everything I had not to hurl when we were 5 minutes outside of Laramie.  I don't want to take that chance again.

We are preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.

Thank you all for your supportive comments and prayers.  It means a lot to me at this lonely time.  I love you all.

 

Just Take the Bull by the Horns

I do not like sitting around waiting to hear what is going on 1100 miles away with my Dad so today, I called his doctor and spoke with him directly.  I am so glad I did.  He's a very nice, very direct and honest guy.  It did me a lot of good to hear everything from him.  First of all, it gave me confidence to know that my mom was doing a great job of reporting the facts and not leaving anything out.  Second, it helped me make the decision about whether I should go to Wyoming now or wait a bit longer.

Early this morning, I had heard that my Dad had a breathing crisis over night.  They moved him into a new room and anyone going in must wear a mask and gloves.  I also found out that if the steroid treatment does not work, there is really nothing else that can be done for him.  This news left me thinking he was a death's door and that I should leave tomorrow so I wanted to talk directly to his doctor to get some direction and feedback from him.

He said that my dad is not that critical right now.  When I asked about the breathing crisis last night, he replied, "There was no crisis.  He had the two little oxygen tubes removed from his nose and we put a breathing mask on him that covers his nose and mouth because he's a mouth breather."  I just about flipped, "Well, if you heard him tell the story, it sounded like you nearly lost him last night."

Dr. chuckled and assured me that there was no medical emergency and that my Dad is tending to over react and take little things very hard because he is depressed and very fearful that he is losing this battle.   (From now on, I want 3 sources to verify a story before it's passed on to me. )

The doctor did confirm that my dad can die of this and that if the steroids do not work, there is really nothing else they can do for him.  He said that the next 5 or so days will tell the story and he should be able to assess his progress more accurately in the next 24 to 48 hours.

Tonight, my sister called.  She said Dad's oxygen saturation numbers were up in the lower 90's and his blood count was stable.  Both of these things are verygood signs that maybe the steroids are kicking in and going to work.  Dr. Carlson said that he is cautiously optimistic that the steroid treatment is beginning to work and he will be able to tell more in the next 24 to 36 hours. 

Sooooo, we are continuing to pray that the treatment works and he is able to rally from this illness.  It's going to be a scary few days but we are strong in our faith and know that God is in charge and whatever happens it is His will for my Dad and that everything will work out according to His plan.

Thanking you all for your prayers and concern.