I haven't been in a writing mood lately. A lot has been going on - good stuff, too - but when I sit down to write about it, I just can't muster the energy to type it all out. After going back and reading some of my earlier entries, I decided that there are a few things that have happened recently that I want to journal so I don't forget them. I also want them included in the printed edition at the end of the year so I HAVE to include them.
The most fun thing that happened recently was Dennis and I took Megan, Nathan and Andrew to the Circus. What a FUN morning. I picked the kids up on Friday afternoon so they could spend the night and we could get an early start on Saturday morning. The show started at 11:30 on Aug. 4 but if we got their early, the kids could go down on the floor and see, close up, some of the acts, the clowns, and get a feel for the excitement of the event. We thought, too, that they would let us take the kids to see the animals before the show, too, but for some reason that section was not open that early. They did get to see the elephants being bathed and blown dry with leaf blowers which they thought was so funny.
We found our way down to the floor. Andrew wanted Papa to carry him. It was way too much for him. All the noise and confusion was pretty scary for the little guy. Megan was enchanted with the costumes and all the activity. Nathan liked it but did not want any of the clowns to come near him. I told him I could totally understand how he felt about that. When I was his age, they scared me, too.
Luckily, we found a great spot at the far end of the arena and settled in right by the rope so the kids had front 'row' standing space. They got to see a tumbling act from Asia, a clown trampoline act that was really funny, a cute dog act from Argentina, two guys on stilts, and finally an elephant who painted a picture.
When the elephant came in thru the curtain, little Andrew was standing right at the rope. It was so cute to see his head move as he sized her up from side to side and then from her feet to the top of her head. After he finished giving her a good look/see, he turned around with big eyes and said, "Big Elephant!"
Dennis and I couldn't help but laugh. We could just see in his expression that he had never seen anything so big in his whole life. The announcer said she weighed around 8000 pounds so you can imagine how big she was. To a little 2 1/2 year old boy, she must have seemed as big as a mountain.
Before we knew it, he was walking back to us pinching his nose, "Stinky elephant."
He was right about that, too! The other two followed him with their noses pinched, too. "Let's get out of here!" Nathan suggested firmly.
We agreed and took them to their seats. It was great timing because as we got off the elevator and found our seats, the announcer was telling everyone to go to their seats. We missed the big rush.
The kids enjoyed the show so much. Megan and Nathan sat on the edge of their seats the whole time. Andrew sat in his seat next to me. Everytime I looked over at him, his eyes were glued to whatever act was going on. I was really proud of him for being able to pay attention for that long. He did get a little restless during the last 40 minutes but he was getting tired. Believe it or not, with all the noise and activities going on, he fell asleep the last 15 minutes. I don't know how but he was OUT.
Megan's favorite act was the tigers. They were beautiful and I can see why she liked them so much. Nathan liked the high wire act and there was a guy who did tricks on a bicycle that he really liked, too. Andrew loved the elephants. That seemed to make the biggest impact on him. His dad told me that the next day he went to Sunday school and the first thing he told his teacher was, "I went to circus yesterday!" He was really happy to share that with her.
This past weekend, I went to Avila Beach to meet my sister for a few days. We stayed at her friend's condo which was quiet and relaxing. We spent the time working on the program for the weekend retreat we are going to be leading. WOW, we got a lot done and much was revealed to us about things we need to do in our own lives to prepare for the event.
The truth is: You can't give something you don't have. So, in order to teach the class, both of us have to put the things we are teaching to work in our own lives. Fair enough? Exactly! We have come a long way in following the plan we are sharing but we have a way to go before we will be at the place where we feel we need to be to get up in front of the women who will be attending and present the material. Whew...that was quite a sentence.
The theme for the conference is Keys to an Open Heart. The Keys we have chosen to speak on are: Choice * Attitude * Acceptance. Biggies, huh? To get to these one must take a look at what defines them as a person. For me, I found that there are many things that define me ~ that tell me who I am. These things that I allow to define me and to put me in a box that is labeled "KATHY" are not really my authentic self. They are expectations, fears, insecurities, wanting to please, feeling invisible, being unworthy, being the nice girl, not being able to say no, being the good mother, being the good wife, being last, being the victim, being unable to dream, being disappointed, never asking for anything for myself........... on and on. Those things have defined me for too long. So now, I have to turn away from those labels and allow God to define me. The God who created me, the God who loves me without conditions, in all my sin, with all my flaws. The God who sees me as His blessed child, His beloved. I must drop the negative labels and take on only what He sees in me. I must learn to rest in His love when I'm feeling alone and I'm hurting. Humans and life will always disappoint and let us down but His love never will.
I read the following quote this weekend and it says it all:
"Living out of the false self creates a compulsive desire to present a perfect image to the public so that everybody will admire us and nobody will know us." Brennan Manning
I am confessing and pledging to be more real.
Warm Hugs!