Sometimes My Heart Aches

I just started a new book by Sue Monk Kidd called The Mermaid Chair.  I'm just two chapters into it but I'm hooked already.  I knew I would probably like it because I loved her book, The Secret Lives of Bees.   She is writing about how the main character, Jessie, feels when listening to other women talk about adventures they've had and she wrote a few lines that capture exactly how I've been feeling lately.

   "..............Or--and this was the worst of all --a TV show about some intrepid woman traveling alone in the blueness of Greece, and I'd be overcome by the little river of sparks that seemed to run beneath all that, the blood/sap/wine, aliveness, whatever it was.  It had made me feel bereft over the immensity of the world, the extraordinary things people did with their lives --though really, I didn't want to do any of those particular things. I didn't know then what I wanted, but the ache for it was palpable."

I read those words while I was waiting for my husband this morning.  I had to read it two or three times because it gave me goose bumps.  It describes exactly how I feel.  My main job and purpose has been to raise my kids.  I've loved that  part of my life and I have done it well.  I can tell I've done it well because both of my children have become independent, strong and able to go into the world to do well on their own.  I believe the true test of good parenting is when your kids go out in the world and function well on life's terms.  Now that they are adults, I'm left thinking, What Now?

I want some adventure, a lot of fun, hours filled with purpose and meaning doing something for others.  How about a lot of laughter thrown into the mix?  Trying something new once or twice a month.  Hmmmm, I think this list is a good start.  All of this is do-able. 

Since November 1, I've been on a journey of self discovery and change.  I've lost a lot of weight (62 lb.) and I've gained self-confidence, self-respect, good health, normal blood pressure, normal blood sugar, cholesterol of 129, and the determination to see this through until I reach my goal weight.  The "palpable ache" for adventure and fun is a result of this journey.  It's going to be a lot of fun to see what happens and where all of this takes me!