So much went on during my parents' visit that I didn't have time to do a lot of journaling. It was a stressful, strange visit. It got off to a rocky start when my Mom pulled a mean stunt against me and then rubbed it in my face for 2 days. I took the high ground and tried to stay neutral but my feelings were hurt and it caused me to stay out of her path for most of the visit. It is so out of character for her as far as our relationship is concerned that it totally threw me off guard. My sister told me that this was not unusual in her dealings with Mom and that it had always been that way between them. I'm so dense. I never had noticed. When Carol and I talked about it in detail, we think it has to do with the fact that I have changed so much this past year that she cannot control me anymore. Mom has never been able to control Carol but I was very submissive to her and never wanted to cause waves. I always felt responsible for her feelings and couldn't confront her or tell her things that might make her uncomfortable. I'm not like that anymore. I'm dealing with life on life's terms and I'm open and honest. It may be that she just doesn't know how to deal with that from me.
My Dad came with an injured back that progressively got worse as time wore on. I took him to my chiropractor and I think he did more harm than good. My dad barely made it home. My Mom's sister and her husband drove from Laramie, Wyoming to Denver, Colorado to pick them up at the airport so my Dad would not have to board the small 13-seat commuter plane and risk a bumpy ride from Denver to Laramie.
Yesterday, he saw his family doctor who scheduled an MRI for today but he was so weak and in so much pain this morning that my mother had to call an ambulance to take him to the hospital. I am waiting to hear the results of the MRI and to find out what they are going to do for him. He was given morphine when he was admitted to the hospital and that did nothing to ease his pain.
I feel so awful about taking him to that chiropractor. I should have taken him to a regular doctor. I know no one blames me and I know the blame doesn't rest with me but I can't help but feel some responsibility.
What do you do when someone says they are going to contribute something important to Christmas dinner and then they totally blow it off and show up withoutit? What are you to do when someone says they are going to go in on a gift for your husband with you and then they decide it was too expensive and don't do anything without telling you and there is nothing under the tree for him? How should I feel when those same two say they are going to participate in another special event during the evening and the come totally unprepared? I will tell you how I felt - disappointed, hurt, angry, and determined not to let it happen again. My son and his wife and the evil doers (lol) in this case. It ticks me off (to put it politely) because when they hosted her family on Christmas day every little detail was in place and perfect. I don't get it. Why it's OK to blow me off like that. I guarantee it will not happen again. Next year, Dennis and I are going to Hawaii for Christmas.
So, Christmas this year was - for the most part - nice. The grandchildren were fun and happy with their gifts. That made it special for me. The stress was very difficult and I need several deep tissue massages to get rid of the muscle knots in my shoulders and neck.
I'm so glad it's over and all signs of it have been put away for another year.
Happy New Year to all!
8 comments:
I'm sorry your family let you down like that. I do hope your dad will be OK. It's not your fault that the chiropractor did more harm to his condition but I can understand you feeling guilty about it. I hope the new year will get better for you! Jeannette xx
I was so glad to get back to work yesterday. I'm a creature of habit, and I sorely missed my daily routine. I still have to put away the decorations and take down the tree, but that won't take too long.
Happy 2007!
~~Kath~~
Oh, gosh. I hope your dad is okay. Too bad the chiropractor didn't help him. I don't think there is anything I can say about your son and his wife other than...
Enjoy Hawaii next year! Jae
I swear, what would Christmas be without some kind of family drama!? Always seems to have to be some somewhere. I'm sorry to hear about your dad, and I know how you feel. Even though you know it was not your fault, and you were just trying to be helpful, you can't help but feel a wee bit bad about it. You wanted him to feel better, not worse.
As for your mom. You are probably right. You have changed and she can't deal with it. Oh, well.. she will have to learn to, right. You worked hard to get to the place that you are now, and there is no turning back now!
Glad your grandkids enjoyed Christmas and their many presents from gramma! lol
Hugs
Jackie
I'm so sorry your family let you down, I can understand why you were hurt. Unfortunately, I know those feelings all too well from my Brother and even though I used to it and have come to expect it....it never makes it hurt less. I'm happy you had a good Chritmas over all.....especially with your adorable Grandkids. :)
Hopefully your Dad's MRI will come out okay, I will definitely keep him in my prayers. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!
Do your parents live in Laramie? It's not fair to the town, but I will always know that place for Matthew Shepard....his story still breaks my heart.
Hope tomorrow is a good day and remember I'll be sending good thoughts your way!
Pooh Hugs,
Linda
Kathy how very disapointing for you the family letting you down like that Iknow exactly how you feel one of my daughters is that way ,its all her partners family ,it hurts ! but hey ho ,you have got stronger thats what your Mum couldnt take ,with love Jan xxx.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!! (curse word) I know eXactly how you feel! I never get used to it either! My stepchildren (all boys) are that way. My dil tries but she always gets out numbered...so we settle for a few hours on Christmas eve. We didn't even hear from one of my husband's sons who is 20 and supposedly has a pregnant girlfriend to add to his messy life. My two sons are not yet married...but I am prepared. My daughter? who knows! That is exactly why when in the near future we (hubby and I ) are out of here for the whole holiday! RIGHT ON! & sorry! Rose~
Hello there reading your comments. Not having been in the situation myself it take great courage to keep on going at least for the sake of the children. Its all about family. I have been very lucky not to have been in this predicament and my christmas seem to go very well. But it will pass and try not to bear grudges as it will only add to the situation. I will be hard but there is nothing like family in your lives. Kathie.
Post a Comment