Hello again.  It has been two long weeks since I have posted anything in my journal.  It feels like it's been much longer than that.  I've been on an emotional roller coaster ride that still hasn't ended.  I am not going to recap the entire journey because it would require too much and I don't have the energy or emotional fortitude to do it.  I will say that my Dad is in extremely poor health and the outlook is grim.  He seemed to be getting better.  We were very encouraged about 5 to 8 days into my visit but 4 days ago, the tide began turning and he has been declining since. 

His lungs are very compromised by pulmonary fibrosis.  The left lung is very involved and the right lung is about two-third's as bad.  Because of this, his body is not getting the oxygen it needs to function properly.  He had a mild heart attack on Friday, March 2nd that was caused by lack of proper oxygen.  All of the body's systems are struggling so hard to work and they are failing to keep  up.

I do not expect him to survive this horrible illness and I honestly do not believe he wants to.  He seems to want to let go and go to heaven.  I honor and respect that so much.  I know he does not want to live tethered to an oxygen tank and confined to a chair or his bed.  

I am home in California again.  I got back last night.   It was  hard to leave because I know I probably won't see my Dad again.  I do know that I have no regrets.  I gave him everything I had when I was there.  I sat with him from 10 p.m. until 7 a.m. every night and for 4 hours during the day, every day.  We talked about everything.  Told each other everything we had to say.  I'm so grateful that I got there when I did because he was so alert, open and loving the first 4 or 5 days.  When I left yesterday, he was nearly comatose.  There was no way to reach him.  I don't even know if he heard me say good bye.  It's OK, though....  He has all my love tucked away in his heart and he'll have it forever.

Thank you to all of you for your love and prayers.  I wasn't able to access my journal while I was away.  I didn't have time to write, anyway, but I did get the alerts and I was able to read the comments that you left.  Your kindness and uplifting messages mean the world to me.  I love you all!